Ranting...Again
Well, I doubt I'm going to get to see Star Wars III today or get to go to the mall... Mom said yesterday that we were going to the mall, I still need to get clothes... Gavin got over $120 worth of clothes yesterday, but me? Nope...no clothes. I guess thats just the way my life is! Also, Mom said we were going to see Star Wars yesterday...but then she said she wanted to wait till today so George could go with us (which I did not like the idea of...). But then I asked her today if we were going and she said she wished she had never brought it up. She doesn't think we'll HAVE time. But if George could go with us (he is fishing, get why she doesn't want to go???) then I know she would MAKE time for us to go... But now we possibly aren't doing either, just because George isn't going so I guess she just doesn't feel obligated or something... I don't know.Also, she just took my phone... Gosh. I should mark on mine or something so she will know it is MY phone... What if someone calls me??? Or worse, what if she reads my text messages??? All of them are from Kaleb, and I know some of them say uh, 'intamate' stuff, lol. All of them say I love you or I miss you...so if she looks at them, GREAT. Also, what if she starts making phone calls on it??? Its my phone. I don't want her running up my minutes... or calling that George. With each passing day I dislike him more and more. He is controlling of Mom in almost every way. She can't do anything without his permission. I mean, he didn't even give her one of the insurance cards when they came in the mail, he took both! He just annoys me. He won't let Mom do stuff because we don't have the money, but then he goes out and buys a 4-wheeler and a 3-wheeler. What the heck?By the way, how do you like this font? I'm trying new ones because...well, I just saw it and I was like, what the heck, lets try a new font! Lol. I've decided that for my Mississippi trip I'm going to plan whole outfits...you know, the whole she-bang - down to the belt, necklace, bracelet, shoes, everything. So when I get up each day and take a shower, no one will get mad because I don't know what to where or what to where with it. Sound good? I'm so paranoid. But if this trip is anything like last time, I'll have 8 other girls breathing down my neck every time I step in the bathroom. (Terrible isn't it?!) NO PRIVACY. And they will spend hours in there - but if you are in there for more than 10 minutes, "HURRY UP IN THERE! THERE ARE 8 OTHER PEOPLE OUT HERE! YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE YOU KNOW! WHAT'RE YOU DOING IN THERE???" Its just so chaotic. And they are just, so rude about it. So I'm going to be prepared this time. All I have to do is take my shower early in the morning, get on my 'outfit' and I'm outta there. I've even written down each outfit so I don't mix up what goes with what. Its so strange, my room is so messy, and my locker, and my back pack. But I'm one of those people who needs everything planned. Down to the last detail. Isn't that strange? I'm messy but well organized. Its an oximoron. I think I am an oxymoron. Lol. Guess thats all I have to say. I think its fun just to sit here and ramble on and on. I don't even know what I was just talking about. Typing just comes so easy to me now that I can do it without thinking...Lol. Well, cya!
Time To Catch Up With The Present
Okay, I don't really feel like talking about how horrible being at the lake with Dad was. For some reason I am really starting to hate trying to feed out all the thoughts I had for the past day and more. So I think most of my blogs are going to be about my thoughts right then and there, because anything else just bores me.
So, the 'present'. Brittany broke up with Michael and is going out with Riley. Gay. I think thats the one word to describe it. Steven thinks I'm overreacting, but I think I should be the 'overreacting' one, because if I don't no one else will...somebody needs to care about everyone else unconditionally. If I don't, who will? Steven is just acting like, whoo, Michael needs to get over it. Thats such an awful thing to say, I don't even want to talk about it.
And I have no clue what is going on elsewhere. Steven is like my only link, and I think his perseption of things is not the greatest. I haven't talked to Liana or Crissy... I tried calling Crissy, but no luck. Oh! Duh, she moved... I'm such an idiot. But everytime she is on the interenet she doesn't say anything to me either. I think I'm worried about our friendship. Its just a hunch though - you see, I've been having these bad dreams that she doesn't want to be my friend and she is talking bad about me. I don't know where that is coming from though - last time I talked to her it was all good.
This is just great. When something bad happens to one person, I act like the sky is falling. I act like all my friends hate me and the world is going to end...I think its mostly because I haven't talked to Kaleb for so long. I miss him so much. I need him. He's my...stronghold. But I guess it is my job to pretend the sky is falling. I'm meant to be the paranoid, cautious, hyper-emotional one. I'm okay with that. Kaleb is okay with that. I'm good.
I think maybe I should try calling Crissy's cell today so I can figure out the 'real' deal. Lol. Besides that nothing is going on. I'm supposed to be seeing Star Wars Episode III today, I can't wait! I grew up on Star Wars. I love those movies! I think its the first movie in years I'm going with my family instead of friends. All my friends have already seen it I bet though, besides, they're all going to Riley's party I think. I think he is such a jerk for doing that to Riley. When you're in a band together you are like family, you just DON'T do that to each other.
So...I really don't know what to say. Besides the drama, not much is happening. Omg! Heather has a boyfriend in Miami, Florida and he is hott!!! Omg...he's worth not having a boyfriend here. Lol. Well, they broke up a few months ago, but I bet they'll go out again soon. Their relationship is so weird though. They sit on the computer and look at each other on their web cams and talk on the phone a lot...I guess its not that different than Kaleb and I, except we see each other like, 2 or 3 times a week. We have to. We would die otherwise.
I'm going to get new converses! They're so cool. They are two-toned Fuscha and Green. I can't wait to get them...I'm a lil scared about going to Mississippi...I keep having bad dreams about it and everything. I'm afraid of those gay games (they were horrible!) and all the dumb rules Kaleb said they have...We're supposed to have 'supervised' free time this year. Last year nothing bad happened and we weren't supervised in our free time. I mean, its 'free' time. Away from all the rules and big shot jerks who think they can push us around because we're older... Another rule is we can't have a two piece swimsuit. Who doesn't have a two piece swimsuit??? Even Amy (my youth pastors wife) I bet has a two piece. That is the dumbest rule I ever heard. I g2g eat. Cya!!!
I'm Back!!!
Yeah, I know, I'm a little early... I'm kind of glad, but I'll get to that later...
So first, hmm, I don't know what the first thing that happened after I left was. I really don't remember. Hold on...I think of something. Oh well, I'll just start in the middle of everything and work my way from there!
So last weekend, Saturday and Sunday after I left, I went on a canoeing trip with Dad, Gavin, Mike, and Melissa. Um, if you don't already know I'll tell you now, I don't like humidity, hotness, swimming, getting in a swimsuit, bugs, sleeping outdoors...all the stuff that camping and canoeing are made of. Can you see the problem? Yeah. So lets just say it wasn't too much fun...but I felt horrible because my dad wanted it to be fun for all of us, and everyone was all, I don't know, they all thought I was stuck up just because I didn't want to go swimming!
The thing is, I am very self-concious...and getting into a swim suit (especially when I think I'm getting FATTER!) was not anything near fun to me. Plus the water was 55 degrees...so I just refused to go swimming... I got a really bad sunburn on my knees from sitting there in a chair while they all swam though...
Okay, here is the creepy thing that happened to me, and I really feel weird about putting this down, but I feel I should. Now, I don't know if this is the way it was intentioned, but its just what I was thinking at the time...Maybe I should actually tell you what I'm talking about...lol, that might help!
So it was about 9 and I had a terrible headache, I think it was from all the smoking (smoking makes me sick...), and I felt like I was going to puke...In the middle of the night I woke up, and I couldn't go back to sleep. I was about to cry it was hurting so bad. So I asked my dad for some headache medicine right?
Then he told me to lay down and started massashing (excuse the spelling) my head...but I told him it wasn't helping. Then he told me to roll over and he started 'massashing' the back of my neck...Then my back. It didn't really seem weird, and it did help. Soon my headache was completely gone. But then he lifted up my shirt and started massashing my back... I don't know how much time went by, but he laid down next to me and I was really starting to get freaked out... I kept thinking about all those Oprah shows and stuff... Lol.
Then he started putting his hand lower and lower on my back (remember I was half asleep so I don't really know how 'low' his hand really was...). Suddenly I jumped up, I must have looked so stupid, here my dad is trying to help me and I jumped up like he was going to kill me or something... He was like, what're you doing? and I said, I'm going to get my hoodie... Lol. Then I just laid down...and went to sleep.
I couldn't stop thinking about it all week though...I think he was just drunk and didn't realize what he was doing...I don't really know. He did have like, 10 beers or more... So that really creeped me out.
The next day we all went canoeing, and I had to be in a canoe with him all day...imagine how that was. Yeah. I think I'm going to talk about the rest of my week later because that last part took all my energy out of me. Sorry. Bye.
Advanced Global Personality Test
Extraversion 53%
Stability 20%
Orderliness 56%
Empathy 63%
Interdependence 76%
Intellectual 70%
Mystical 43%
Artistic 63%
Religious 90%
Hedonism 16%
Materialism 70%
Narcissism 56%
Adventurousness 43%
Work ethic 70%
Self absorbed 63%
Conflict seeking 50%
Need to dominate 50%
Romantic 70%
Avoidant 30%
Anti-authority 70%
Wealth 36%
Dependency 70%
Change averse 83%
Cautiousness 83%
Individuality 70%
Sexuality 63%
Peter pan complex 56%
Physical security 30%
Food indulgent 50%
Histrionic 70%
Paranoia 90%
Vanity 56%
Hypersensitivity 90%
Female cliche 36%
trait snapshot:
paranoid tendencies, irritable, anxious, fidgety, dependent, worrying, emotionally sensitive, prone to regret, depressed, second guesses self, somewhat fragile, dislikes change, prefers organized to unpredictable, suspicious, phobic, craves attention, not a risk taker, low self control, very sensitive to criticism, unadventurous, does not make friends easily, defensive, obsessive, low self esteem
Stability results were low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.
Orderliness results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun.
Extraversion results were medium which suggests you are moderately talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting.
My Sob Story - Michael and Scottie's Parts
Michaels history of u two going out.5th grade i was fine with it
6th grade still fine with it
7th grade I could not stand her calling me every day crying because u two either were fighting or u broke up with her.EVERY DAY.
8th grade 7th grade really did sever my friendship with her she stoped calling so much but usually when she did it was to complain.
9th grade umm........ actually i think this year i talked to her like 5 times.She never complained unless it was about how i didnt call her in 2 months and i was like meh!
Scott's History of Muriel and Steven5th grade- u were going out? whos muriel?
6th grade- had a serious crush on muriel, then i realized my life sucks with women. didnt bother me she was going out with steven
7th grade- muriel was my best friend i talked to her alot, still didnt bother me about her and steven, yet she confessed liking me a few times, as with 6th grade. and i liked her off and on...maybe 3 times.
8th grade- had maybe 2 moments when i liked muriel, then i learned of what she does..... kinda... scared me. not quite as good of friends. went out with mindi for...3 days...unfortunately, first GF. nothing steven related
9th grade- uhh... she hardly talks to me anymore. i guess she talks to steven
My Sob Story - Steven's Part
The History of Muriel And I5th grade:
For me this started in the summer after 5th grade. My best friend, Michael Frese, dared me to go out with his ex. I'm not really sure why but I did because she liked me. We talked alot and started to get close.
6th grade: (goes to Muriel's blog to know what I'm talking about...) I started going to church with her. We had our firsts. I think I was pretty tolerant with her here. All the excessive calls and stuff didn't really bother me.
7th grade: Ever seen what It's like when a divorced couple's together? It's sorta like that. She annoys me to freaking death and I do things she doesn't like. Why we're still going out? She's obsessed and I (for some reason) think It's gets better or this is normal. What the heck is wrong with me? I guess at the end of that year (after numerous break-ups and get-togethers) I break up with her on the phone and decide this isn't normal and to never date her again. Which I didn't.
8th grade: I found new girlfriends and she started to move on. I think I had slight ideas of still liking her but those ideas weren't going anywhere. We still manage to make eachother mad and yet, we're still friends. If it was up to me this honestly would have been the end and I would have never talked to her again but she was stubborn and still wanted to be best friends.
9th grade: Now we're really good friends. They're still fights but we get over them. Life's getting less complicated.
Last Day of School!!!
Hmm... Today is an odd day. I must admit that I am sooo happy in knowing that I don't have to wake up at 5.30 am for a very very long time... But I also will miss school.
Over the summer I won't see a lot of the people that I've grown used to seeing every day for the last like, 300 days! And it makes me very sad when I think that a lot of those people I won't ever talk to again. Sure, I might see them...but be friends again? Things change... That makes me really sad.
A lot of my friends I didn't even get photos of...I didn't say good-bye to any of them... It was like tomorrow I'd still be going to school at seeing them all over again. I know I'll be able to stay in touch with my freshman friends...but what about the senoirs? They're gone now...I didn't even get a picture of Paul. And all the juniors? Next year they will be senoirs...there is no chances that I'll have a class with people like Boomer, Kevin, or Katie next year! So I'll miss them. Hopefully we will get a chance to talk again.
So on to the summer that is right on my doorstep! For about the next month I will not be leaving any blogs, because no computers will be available to me! For the 10 days I will be at my dad's, then for 5 days church camp, and then for 10 more days I will be in Florida. Of course when I get back I will fill you in on all the details, at least the major ones...I'll try to get some pictures developed so I can show them to you! I'm not going to live without a computer for a whole month...I think its going to kill me! And no Kaleb for about a month, except for a camp...that stinks! But besides Kaleb I'm not going to see any of my friends for about a month! I probably won't even talk to them... Oh well I guess.
So thats about all I have to say...I wish there was more because when I get back there are going to be a butt-load of things to tell. (Well, I hope...I want it to actually be INTERESTING.)
Omg...one weird thing that someone did - Scottie straightened his hair! It was freaky. It seriously looked like girl's hair! And Ben was supposed to be in the band room this morning, but he wasn't...I don't even think he was there! Come to think of it, when I left the band room this morning, I didn't even realize it was the last day of school! I just walked off and said, see ya guys later, even though I won't... Just so everyone knows though, I'm not crying. I'm just telling you I'm sad, but its nothing to cry about...things change. Now if I was moving, that would be a different story! Lets hope I don't. Guess thats all I have to say, cya in a month!
http://us.f515.mail.yahoo.com/ym/login?.rand=e0ejeq0op7no4" alt="Brett and I" />
2nd to Last Day of School
Today was the 2nd to last day of school! It really didn't feel like it though...I wish it wasn't over. I'm going to miss everyone so much!!!
The finals I took today were really easy, so thats good. Now the only one I have left is choir, which will be so easy! I kind of can't wait for summer because it'll be a good break.
I think Ben broke up with Melissa again today...she was crying a lot after school. I hope he didn't, I don't want to feel obligated by him... Plus I feel sorry for her!!!
Dude, Steven shaved part of his leg! It was creepy, or at least that is what I thought.
After school I went to see Kaleb for the last time for 2 whole weeks! I'm going to miss him a whole whole lot!!! I wish it didn't have to be so long. I was only over there for 2 hours though...and most of the time we were hanging out with Matt and Frog...when we finally got some alone time, my mom called and said she was on her way! I was a lil sad... Kaleb was acting like she wasn't even coming though! He was like, just call her back and tell her not to come! Lol. I was like, I can't do that. I'm trying to decide if he is missing me, or missing making out with me...oh well! I know I'm going to miss both so maybe he is too! Ugh, my stomach hurts bad!
Kaleb's dad wants to buy out a skateboard company here in St. Louis so Kaleb can design skateboards for it! I was like, omg! unbelievable! I guess if you believe things will happen they will, because its weird, Kaleb was actually believing one day that would happen! I guess I am happy for him. Its just weird to me. Maybe I'm kind of jealous, or maybe I'm scared I'm going to be less important to him...oh well. Guess thats it! Cya.
Uncle Mark's Birthday
Like nearly every other day, not a whole lot happened today. I went to first service at church...but Kaleb didn't go...
Then afterward we all went up to Suson Park in St. Louis to celebrate Uncle Mark's birthday. There were all these animals and a playground and stuff...we just hung around for a few hours and ate cake.
You know what stinks? Yesterday was the last day I got to see Kaleb until May 30th for church camp...you wanna know another thing that stinks? For church camp we are not taking a large bus like last time; we're taking two vans! And one is going to be for the girls and the other for the boys! So I don't get to hang out with Kaleb.
Going to the Mall...and the Movies...
Alright...so its Sunday so I'll have to fill you in on my eventful Saturday... I don't know if I can remember all of it, so just bare with me!
So first I wake up and go to my church fundraiser, right? I hung out with Cassie and Kaleb. Omg! The main thing that happened was this guy was looking at us (standing on the white line in the middle of the road) and accidentally rear-ended the lady in front of him! So he hops out of his truck to look at the damage ... then the traffic started to line up! I was like, should I move out of the road, is it my fault, omg...what do I do?! But then everyone realized that the only damage done was to his own truck so they just drove off... And life goes on... But I felt so horrible...I can't believe that poor guy...and he was smiling at us and everything. I hope everything went okay for him and his truck wasn't too damaged!
Then after a lot of paranoia I found rides to and from the mall and got it all straightened out (I like to have everything planned out...so the lack of plans was driving me crazy!) Kaleb and I went to my house where Liana was supposed to pick us up at 2.30. But she was late, and didn't get there till 2.50. The whole time my mom was like, "They should be here when they say they're gonna be here...no more doing anything on Saturdays...this is the only day George and I get to do anything...this is going to ruin my whole day!" (and on and on...) She was making me feel horrible...and she should have been thankful! I got a ride to the mall so SHE didn't have to take me...and Liana's mom was only 20 minutes late...I mean, come on, if it was Mom I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate Liana's mom reacting like that!
So finally we got picked up...Then we went and picked up Amy, Kayla, Sam, and this Krystal girl...I thought it was just going to be Liana, Kaleb, and I...but I didn't care much. (Even though later the whole 'group' was kind of making Kaleb and I feel like the outcasts...but at least we had each other!)
Kayla was really nice and helped me buy a couple shirts...she helped me way more than Liana did! I had to ditch Kaleb for a little bit in order to do that though...but he forgives me!
Oh yeah! The plan was to go to a mall that had a movie theater...but the mall we went to didn't even have one! So then we had to change the plans again so we could go to Union and watch a movie. So after we were done at the mall we went to the Union movie theater to see 'The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy'...an incredibly gay movie. I say never go see it. But I didn't even get to see the end of it, because Kaleb and I got kicked out. Yes, we were kicked out of the Union movie theater. Watching the gayest movie ever. I thought it was histerical...but I couldn't laugh in front of the guy or else he might have called our parents. So why did we get kicked out? Kaleb and I got kicked out for making out. Yes. How gay. I didn't care though. I thought it was funny. So then we walked up to DQ and got some ice-cream...then his grandparents picked us up.
Then they had to stop by Wal-Mart to get a few things, so by this time I was freaking out (my mom doesn't like to 'wait up' for me) because it was like, 9.15...by the time we got out of Wal-Mart it was about 9.45...Then finally I got home at about 10 pm. Whew. And that was my day. I'm sure there was more, but I'm tired, and I can't think of anything else at the moment. Cya!
Out of the Slump
Well, I've taken my first final and I do not think it went over that well... I think maybe I got a C at best... Scary! Oh well.
I think Kaleb and I are out of that slump we were in. I'm so happy. I was starting to get scared that maybe we should break up. He was really scaring me, being so depressed and all. But now its all better! I went to his grandma's last night and I think it was the best time I ever had with him. We just hung around...(o.d.o.*) Lol... I would tell you what we did but you know...no I'm just kidding. We just hung around. It was a lot of fun though.
So, I don't want school to be over! I'm going to miss everyone so much! Oh, yesterday was 'Hug Your Cat Day'. Bet you didn't know that!
I'm so tired...I don't really have that much to say, thats a first! Liana, Kaleb, Michael (Moore), and I are supposed to be going to the mall this Saturday. I hope we really do and it doesn't fall through, it'll be so much fun! Tonight is that Greenday concert...I wish I could go, but oh well. I'm so happy I don't even care! Lol... Thats weird.
Guess that is all I have to say...I'm sure there is something, I just can't think of it!!! Cya.
* (Obvious Details Omitted)
So...tomorrow I'm supposed to be going to the mall with Kaleb and Liana...I don't know who else. So, the news:
Apperently somehow someone heard Liana and Mendenall's conversation about 'the poser brigade'* and they told Crissy about it. Then Crissy wrote Liana a note about it and ... well, poor Liana is afraid Crissy is mad at her now. She told me when she refered to 'the poser brigade' the was not talking about Crissy. But I don't think Crissy knows this... I don't really know though... Oh well! I hope things get better...
Well there was this whole thing with my mom about going to the mall tomorrow...but I already told the story to two people...and I think that is all I can stand to say the same things without sounding stupid and forgetting the piont of it all. I g2g cya!
Steven Is Obsessed With 'Penis'...Crazy!
Hmm...I went to church last night; I met Kaleb's real dad. It was really awkward. I mean, come on, the guy was as tall as me, and bald! I didn't know what to say. But Kaleb seemed to have fun with him, so I'm happy for him. He had to go home this morning, but apperently he is coming back next month too. Kaleb completely skipped school and hung out with him all day yesterday. But he still came to church, so I guess it doesn't bother me any!
Krystal was at church yesterday! Kaleb told me that she wrote this note saying she wanted to kill herself on Monday... But thank goodness him and Frog went to the counselor about it.
I made a new bag! Since we don't get our yearbooks till next year (how gay is that?!) I'm having everyone sign my bag. Its a lot bigger than my old one, but its not as cool looking. Its lilac colored with a pink inside. It says PHS Class of 2008 on the front. I think its pretty cool.
Finals are up! I can't believe the school year is almost over! I'm going to miss everyone so much. {My mom is talking about my brother..."He is doing his chores because he wants to go play football I bet...He is only staying out for an hour, we're eating at 5 and if he is not back he's going to get his butt beat...I need to keep a tight leash on him right now...He might have a heat stroke..." Give me a break! She doesn't want her son going out and playing sports??? Does she want him to be a lazy pig like Paige (sorry) ? I'm sure in the old days people were out in the sun much much longer than an hour! But anyway...}
I'm going to put lil iron-on things on my converses! Its gonna be awesome! I'm going to put a cross on one, and a blink-smiley thingie on the other! Yep, I'm going to be so awesome! Wow - I keep using exclamation pionts! Awesome!!!
Okay, I'll stop now... I figured something out about Steven: he thinks that I'm annoying when I'm doing something that is not annoying, but he thinks I'm not annoying (or at least he doesn't say anything) when I do something that is truly annoying! Now that could get annoying. I can be absolutely normal and I will annoy the heck out of him, but if I'm annoying I fit in just fine. I think maybe I should just stop trying anymore... The more I try the more frustrating it gets!
OH! Steven is obsessed with guy's body parts I swear! He rights 'penis' all over everything (today it was his knuckles). Then today I took his hand and put it on Jeremy's crotch and he didn't even do anything till Jeremy was like, "Ugh!!!" Then he stopped. Then he went over and asked Michael if he could touch his crotch...gross! Lol. It is kinda funny though...
Well, I guess thats all folks!!! Cya.
Frog Disecting!!!
In my anger and haste yesterday I forgot to tell you about what I actually did. Well, the beginning of the day was pretty boring...the whole thing was boring! But we did have an assembly yesterday...it was gay. The 'academic' assembly. I didn't even know any one who got called up there really! And there was this one guy, Cody Brown, who got called up for everything!
Lol. The other day Matt (Leary) got a new cell phone. Well, since people who just got their phones don't know how to use them, I thought it would be funny to pretend to be looking at it and set the alarm for 3 am the next morning! So when I saw Matt yesterday I was like, did my alarm wake you up? It was funny. I did it Chris Pole too. He he. I think I'm going to make that a tradition!
I know there was more...oh! Kaleb went to go meet his dad, Don, yesterday. You know, the one who he has never met and about a month ago decided he wanted to get to know Kaleb? The one who lives in Los Angelos and works for some TV show? Yeah, I think its creepy. I mean, why didn't he accept kaleb for 15 years?! He just kind of ran off... Oh well. I guess that is not my decision. I just hate it how Kaleb now keeps threatening is step-dad that is going to run off to California if he doesn't get his way. Plus, what about me? Would he really just up and leave and everything...to a man who just came into his life??? I think its dumb...
Also, the other night I had a dream about David. Lol. We were at church camp and it was just me, David, Ryan, and Amy. David stole a pick-up truck and got arrested! I remember when he was getting in the cop car I was yelling, "Just run David! Run!" Lol. Kinda stupid. I know there was more to it...but I just can't remember!
Thats about it I think. Omg...last night I thought I lost my entire blog because it was showing up! I think the site was having technical difficulties though. So oh well. I'm so jeaouls, Steven and Crissy are going to a Green Day concert Friday night...Crissy gets to go to her first concert before me! Oh well... I wanted to go to the moall this weekend...but if Liana is going to the concert then I won't get to go! (And I've been wanting to go...) I just hope Liana isn't going to the concert!
Guess thats all. Oh! I disected a frog today! At first it was gross but I pulled all the pieces out of the body and stuff. We cut off the head too (Matt, Boomer, and I). The entire insides we on the outside when we were done! Lol. Liana and a lot of people thinks it was completely gross. Steven said he would rather swim in puke than disect another frog...but I don't think it was THAT bad. He made it a big deal...so did Liana. Oh well. I g2g!
The Longest Word Ever!
The longest word ever!
The full name of the tryptophan synthetase A protein, an enzyme with 267 amino acids, extends to 1,913 letters:methionylglutaminylarginyltyrosylglutamylserylleucylphenylalanyla lanylglutaminylleucyllysylglutamylarginyllysylglutamylglycylalany lphenylalanylvalylprolylphenylalanylvalylthreonylleucylglycylaspa rtylprolylglycylisoleucylglutamylglutaminylserylleucyllysylisoleu cylaspartylthreonylleucylisoleucylglutamylalanylglycylalanylaspar tylalanylleucylglutamylleucylglycylisoleucylprolylphenylalanylser ylaspartylprolylleucylalanylaspartylglycylprolylthreonyliso leucylglutaminylaspfraginylalanylthreonylleucylarginylalanylpheny lalanylalanylalanylglycylvalylthreonylprolylalanylglutaminylcyste inylphenylalanylglutamylmethionylleucylalanylleucylisoleucylargin ylglutaminyllysylhistidylprolylthreonylisoleucylprolylisoleucylgl ycylleucylleucylmethionyltyrosylalanylasparaginylleucylvalylpheny lalanylasparaginyllysylglycylisoleucylaspartylglutamylphenylalany ltyrosylalanylglutaminylcysteinylglutamyllysylvalylglycylva lylaspartylserylvalylleucylvalylalanylaspartylvalylprolylvalylglu taminylglutamylserylalanylprolylphenylalanylarginylglutaminylalan ylalanylleucylarginylhistidylasparaginylvalylalanylprolylisoleucy lphenylalanylisoleucylcysteinylprolylprolylaspartylalanylaspartyl aspartylaspartylleucylleucylarginylglutaminylisoleucylalanylseryl tyrosylglycylarginylglycyltyrosylthreonyltyrosylleucylleucylseryl arginylalanylglycylvalylthreonylglycylalanylglutamylasparag inylarginylalanylalanylleucylprolylleucylasparaginylhistidylleucy lvalylalanyllysylleucyllysylglutamyltyrosylasparaginylalanylalany lprolylprolylleucylglutaminylglycylphenylalanylglycylisoleucylser ylalanylprolylaspartylglutaminylvalyllysylalanylalanylisoleucylas partylalanylglycylalanylalanylglycylalanylisoleucylserylglycylser ylalanylisoleucylvalyllysylisoleucylisoleucylglutamylglutaminylhi stidylasparaginylisoleucylglutamylprolylglutamyllysylmethio nylleucylalanylalanylleucyllysylvalylphenylalanylvalylglutaminylp rolylmethion yllysylalanylalanylthreonylarginylserine.There's one you probably won't see on Wheel of Fortune.
Omg...
Things are starting to get better, I guess. Today I came home and I'm kinda mad at my mom. Okay...so it goes like this:
I asked last weekend if I could go to the mall and by some new clothes because I haven't gotten any in a long time. Well, she says no because she and George were going to do something (which they didn't). Then she bought Kate a lot of clothes from Wal-Mart...I mean, I asked to gett new clothes, and Kate (who has enough clothes) gets new clothes? That isn't fair.
Then, all weekend, Mom and George keep buying all these new movies and stuff. I mean, come on. It took a lot of guts for me to ask for money because I know we don't have it. And they're spending it like it means nothing! Flowers and movies, and clothes for other kids! Its just not fair. I'm really upset. If she doesn't give me quite a bit of money I'm going to be mad. Its not like I ask for a lot anyway. I always feel horrible about asking for money...
So...school. I don't know what to say. Emily thinks I'm bipolar. One minute I'm happy as can be and the next I'm crying and upset. Its killing me... I hope Kaleb stops being depressed because he is the main thing that gets me through me day. Soon school will be over and I will be so happy!
I wanted to go to church with Ben (and go over to his house after school) but that fell through because Melissa went to his house (they're going to church because they didn't break up...he wants to break up with her, at least thats what he told me!). So now I'm just going to sit at home and be bored. Also, George is here again, so we have to be very quiet for him. I don't get it. I just don't understand him...but oh well. I guess my insignificant opinion doesn't matter anyway. I thought up some really cool ideas for my clothes and stuff, because I'm really bored with my clothes. I can't wait till I got to the mall and get new clothes. Its been about a year since I got new clothes! So yeah, I'm getting bored. g2g fold clothes (ugh...) cya!
Okay...this is just about gay. No, it is gay. My mom says its because its hot in the house, but I say its because she is mad because a neighbor kid knocked on the door (and 'oh no! it might wake up George!'). So she said we can't go outside anymore tonight. What the heck does that mean??? So she wants the kids to stay inside so they can be noisy, be angry, be bored, and sit around watching TV? I think she is retarded. Come on! She wants us to be fat. I bet one day she wants to eat us. That is ridiculous. I can't even so anything on my sewing machine because that tub-a-lard is trying to 'sleep' downstairs.
And what are we going to do during the summer??? Just sit around in the house all day and be 'quiet'?! You've got to be kidding me. Also, she is always mad about everything, and could really care less about our lives. Paige is the only one who tries to tell Mom about anything and Mom just...doesn't care. And then she gets mad when I'm 'too quiet' and 'too secretive' and never 'tell her anything'...I wonder why! Jeez...I guess I should stop before I get really mad.
My Sob Story Part II
Ben was the guy of my dreams. The perfect guy to end my obsession. But he also lured me into other bad habits. But I don't think those habits are something I should mention! *Mgph! Clears my throat.* Anyway. So where was I?
I still went through a lot of hurt with Steven in 8th grade, even though I made some new friends. I think most of it was because I expected him to be my best friend, I expected him to be the same as we were when we were going out minus the making out. But of course, it just doesn't go like that! Also, another thing was my best friends, Liana and Crissy, were his friends too...so no matter what I did he always could turn them against me in our problems...then I had no friends to turn to.
There was that one time he punched me...and I told on him (for the first time ever!) and Crissy got mad at me because he wasn't able to meet her in the hallway (because we were talking to a teacher) the 'only time I got to talk to him all day'. Yeah. That was one incident. Then there was the time he hit Liana...and they made up and became really good friends! But with me...he and Crissy just hated me. Once I hit him. I was just sick of him at the end of the day. When the bell rang we walked out the door and I punched him! Lol.
But then I just ran to Mrs. Hunkins and told on myself...I was not too bright. Well, I felt horrible...you have to remember I was in love with him.
Omg...even the teachers knew what was going on. Once Mrs. Cauldwell let me spend all hour with Mrs. Hunkins because she knew Mrs. Hunkins understood me more. I was a depressed mess. This one time it was Steven's birthday and he had this book that belonged to me (it was payment for a debt he had to me) and he wouldn't give it to me! So I followed him out to the buses and I was screaming at him, "Steven! Steven!" (I bet everyone thought I was psycho...lol). Then I was reaching for him (to stop him) and I grabbed his brand-new necklace that he got for his birthday and broke it! He hated me for a while after that.
Those are just SOME of our stories...there are many more...Lol. Then at the end of the year Steven and Crissy broke up, and Liana went out with Steven (behind Crissy's back!). I was really upset...I thought it was so unfair. All this time I was faithful to Crissy even though I was in love with Steven, and Liana gets to go out with him! Crissy wasn't even really mad. That broke my heart, more than I think it did Crissy's. By this time I was getting really involved with Ben because he was the only thing I had.
Then summer happened. I don't really know what happened. Maybe it was just the time apart. Maybe I just matured. I don't really know. But when I came to 9th grade, I didn't want much to do with Steven. I really had a thing with Ben. I really thought we were going to go out. But that didn't work either...but by that time I really involved with my new friends (totally new friends - and bunches of them!) so I didn't run back to Steven. Plus Liana was starting to be my friend again, and that was more important to me.
Then I started getting new crushes...and it eventually led to Kaleb. And thats it! That is my sob story. Now, I could spend days telling you all the little details. All the small, highly-significant things that happened...but it just would take way too long. So, enjoy! I just hope that it never happens to you!
I thought today was starting out as a good day, but I'm starting to think it was just a good day in disguise as an ugly, horrible day.
So you want to know what happened? Well, the stress is still here. Gavin is being a total jerk and annoying me really bad. He won't stop yelling so now I'm getting a headache.
So down to the real stuff. Well, Steven kept trying to talk to me today...but I wouldn't. I refuse to be hurt any more. But I tried to call him after school because ... well, I thought maybe he really was trying to make an effort to be nice to me... But when I called him, this is what he said, "I'm busy playing a game. Why did you call?" all demanding like. So I just said I don't know, and hung up on him. I guess he wasn't trying to be nice.
After school, once again, Liana was just hanging out with Steven...totally ignorant to the fact that I was totally bored sitting by myself.
And also, after school (I'm starting to hate that period) Andrew came up to me and was trying to hit me with this rubber-band thing. Then he said, "Ew! You have hairy arms...gross," and walked away. Isn't that mean? I felt horrible. I felt like crap. What a jerk. It would have been one thing if he was playing, but he wasn't.
THEN, Kaleb called me. He wanted me to come over to his grandma's, but my mom wouldn't let me. Then he went into this totally depressed mood...I don't like it at all. It made me feel like I wasn't doing enough. I mean, he said everything sucked in his life. I'm a major part of his life, so what does that mean??? So then I felt depressed. Lately he has been making me just feel horrible.
Guess that is all I have to say. Cya...
My Sob Story Part I
Everyone has a sob story, so I figured I should enlighten you with mine. Also, this will give you a much better insight to why Steven and I act the way we do to each other. So...lets rewind...
It all goes back to 5th grade and Odyssey. No, it goes back a little farther. When I first moved to Villa Ridge there was this special one-day-a-week class called Odyssey - it was for the elite few who were smarter than the rest of us. Well, I knew I was really smart, but I had to have a teacher referral to be in it. So I always held a grudge against people in Odyssey. So thats how I first met Steven, and I hated him. I thought he was gross.
Then in 5th grade I finally got to be in Odyssey!!! (At the very end of the year...) Then I started to get a crush on Steven...I thought he was cute or something...I don't remember. (The truth is - he was not the cute back then....Sorry Steven.) So then over the summer Michael Frese (one of my best friends/former boyfriend) dared Steven to go out with me for two weeks...and he did. But I didn't even know it for 1 week! Then we kind of - ended - we didn't really break up. Then at the beginning of school we both had two classes together. We talk a lot and well, I don't remember what happened really. We just, talked for 9 hours once and then I think we started going out. Oh yeah! I remember. He asked me out, then we did. It was so cute.
So we were really starting to get associated with each other. We were never without one another. Everyone knew who we were - but mostly as a couple. (Btw, that is not healthy.) Basically - we fell in love. Now, I can't speak for Steven, but I fell in love with him... We shared our first kiss...you know, all that good stuff. It would take me forever to tell you all the small details that graced our relationship.
Then 7th grade rolled around. Thats where it all started going downhill. Back then I swore it was because he got his hair cut. (He used to have long shaggy hair, and that summer he got it cut and he looked way cuter. The day he got it cut I thought that when we went back to school everyone would think he was hott and steal him from me...) Now I think it was a combination of him changing and his appearances changing as well. These girls, Liana, Crissy, Amy, and Mindi, all got crushes on him and wanted to go out with him. Well, at least that is what I think.
Steven started treating me like crap (ex: kicking me, pushing me, making fun of me, ect.) and I had no one to turn to (no friends) because my whole life revolved around him. All his friends were my friends. So when things went downhill, no one was there to catch me. It was so bad that teachers mad fun of me. No one understood me.
Then one day, the worst happened. I was on the phone with him and we were argueing because I didn't like him cussing. Then he was like, "God Muriel, shut up!" and I said, "Don't say God Steven!" Then he said we broke up, I said please don't, and he said, we already did. Then it was done.
Within the next week he was going out with Mindi Miller. I was really upset because she was supposed to be my friend... I was sure he would get back with me. Even after we broke up he still flirted with me and I think he even kissed me. Plus, we used to break up all the time. But we didn't get back together. Mindi and Steven broke up. But then he got a new girlfriend right afterward! Crissy. So I waited and waited. I was torn apart.
You can guess we never got back together. I was obsessed with the thought though. I really thought we would. I believed it completely. I got boyfriends and stuff...but I just couldn't get over Steven. He consumed my every thought. So guess what I did. I didn't get away from him like I should have, I just got closer. I tried to take the role of 'very very good friend', and his girlfriend's 'best friend'. Well, you can imagine how that went. Not well. Constant fights and constant tears.
I still expected him to get back with me someday. Then 8th grade came. I still was in love with him, but I knew it was kinda hopeless. But I still persisted. I was, and still am, a very stubbern person. One thing about 8th grade was I found a few, only a few, but they still mattered, new friends. I found new crushes. It lightened the loud a little. Just enough. Ben came into my life. Even though I regret us sometimes, if it wasn't for him I would still be in love with Steven, at least I think so.
Project Done!!!
Yes! That stupid biology project is finally over! I'm so happy. My poor soul can finally rest!
So, you may be wondering what happened this weekend. To put it frankly, a whole lot of nothing and some bad things. I was just in the worst mood. And so was Kaleb, it felt like everything was falling apart. I didn't do much of anything all weekend. (I hate this gay school keyboard!!!) Whew. Anyway.
Friday was a disaster, and I felt so mad at Kaleb for not calling me, even though he was out with his family, I think...Then Saturday I went to the church fundraiser, and I thought things were going better. Well, Kaleb was upset (he says he wasn't mad) because he couldn't be with me more, so he ruined the whole time we DID have together by complaining about it...I didn't like it. It seriously bothered me. I never realized he was such a complainer before.
So I go home and Liana invites me to the movies...but no, I can't go anywhere because George is taking Mom out. Which wouldn't bother me...but, BUT, he didn't even show up till late! So they didn't go anywhere. They just sat around. #1, waht a jerk. He couldn't even take my mom out on Mother's Day weekend, and to make it worse, he ruined my weekend. I mean, we can't spend OUR whole lives around HIS schedule. Thats stupid.
Then Sunday Kaleb didn't show up to church ... he didn't even get home and call me until 8.30. Which is okay because he was at Six Flags with his family, but the thing is he said he would call to tell me if he was going to church or not. He didn't call all day. So that was my weekend. Kaleb was being very different than usual. I hope he goes back to normal, because the way he was acting made me think thoughts I don't want to think, like, why am I even going out with him? Yeah...
Then the biology project. I redid it completely. I brought it in this morning, and it wouldn't work at first. I was freaking out. I felt like I was going to faint. But finally Mrs. Hastings got it to work...so now I can relax. I hope nothing like that ever happens to me again. I was about to die fromt he stress. I didn't even bother to ask what my grade was because at this piont I don't care anymore.
I think Steven just can't make up his mind whether or not he wants to be my friend. So I just don't want to even mess with him. I don't even bother talking to him anymore. Whats the piont if he is going to constantly hurt me? There is no piont, thats what. I've decided Liana does not have a hidden agenda because she even admitted to me on the phone the other day that she doesn't have anything to talk about it she isn't complaining. So maybe that is why she only talks to me when she is complaining about Steven. In a weird way I'm relieved about it now. (Btw, she seems so much happier with Butch than Steven. She doesn't seem stressed anymore.)
Crissy is being really good to me too. While Steven is being a butt to me she doesn't go down with him and do the same. She actually is still a good person to me. I am grateful for that because when he upsets me on the internet she really helps me. Whew.
So that was my weekend. So I guess that is all I have to say. Cya!
Six Flags With Choir
Well, today was interesting. So here was the plan right? (Because I always have to have a plan...but they usually fall through!) I was going to go to Six Flags with choir and perform. Kaleb's grandma would pick him up from school and bring him to Six Flags for me. Then Kaleb was going to meet me at 4.30 and we would hang out. Then my mom would pick me up at 6. Everything would be fun.
What actually happened: Went to school and heard that civilians could not come in the park today. So I was stressed out all day about how I was going to get ahold of him and tell him. So I had to text my mom, tell her to call Kaleb's grandma, and have her not take him to Six Flags. So then I was like, I'm fine now. But then I got to the park and I thought, maybe there are civilians here...but I wasn't sure. I looked at my phone and I had 15 missed calls! They were all Kaleb. So I called him back and he was like, "What is going on?" So I explained it to him, and he was just like, "Fine, bye." And just hung up! So I called him back and said if he wanted to he could just come, but I didn't want to be responsible if he couldn't get in. (Which now I realize he could have!) I asked him if he was mad, but he said he wasn't. Then we hung up, and he didn't sound mad. Then he called back and asked me if I knew yet, which I didn't because I was standing in line. (What was I supposed to do? Wonder around and ask if civilians were allowed in???) So I said he shouldn't come and he said, "Well, I'm just going to Scott's. Bye." Then he hung up.
I haven't talked to him since. He didn't call. Nothing. I think he is mad at me. We were supposed to possibly go to the movies. If he wasn't mad at me don't you think he would have called to ask if we were still going? Also, he always calls me...and I called Scott. He isn't over there. I called his house and he isn't home. He is probably outside skating. Gosh. I'm starting to get mad at him. How could he be mad at me for not wanting him to be locked out of the park?! Its not fair. We're supposed to go to a fundraiser together tomorrow, and if he doesn't call me I can't confirm if he is going or not!
Also, my mom just told me we can't go to the mall tomorrow because her and George might be doing something. (Tonight he is taking her to Wal-Mart, how sweet. But that is a whole rant in itself, so I'll stop there.) So I guess the only times I get to see him this weekend are at the fundraiser and church. And he hasn't called yet.
You think I should be mad at him? I don't know. I feel things are distancing between us. I keep asking him if he is bored of me...maybe I'm just paranoid. Its just, he is acting weird now. Like last night. He said something and I'm like, what're you gonna do about it? And this is what he says, "I'll break up with you." I'm like, what?! He's never said that before! He always says I'm gonna come over there and give you a big kiss. So that was way weird. Another weird thing he said was well, I'm going to go flirt with Brittany (the girl who wants to DO him)... I was like, why would you even joke about that? Its not funny. Its just stupid. So I do not know what is going on. I love him though, but I'm just starting to get paranoid about him. I hope its nothing though.
Well, other things that happened today, on the brighter side. Erika and I had a great time at Six Flags. She is hilarious! We got kicked off the carousel. Lol. For jumping from horse to horse. Erika cracks me up. On all the rides she was screaming like crazy. I love her.
Also, Steven was nice to me. A pleasant change. I touched his eyeball! Lol. Literally. He was trying to get me to sing a note with him in class, but I was too shy. But for once in my life, I was actually tempted to. I was actually tempted to. Oh well, guess I passed up my chance. I probably would've sounded bad anyway.
Well, thats about all that happened, so cya later!
I think I am cursed. The Biology project that I worked so hard on is gone, again! I don't know what the problem is. So now I have to do it for the 3rd time! This is crazy. I can't believe this! Ugh.
Here's what happened:
I come home from church and I'm going to add GRR!!! I'M A HORRIBLE TYPER TODAY!!! anyway - one new thing to my project right? Well, it wouldn't load! I was like, I'm going to cry if it doesn't work. And sure enough, it did not work. (Btw, I didn't cry...I started laughing because I couldn't believe it.) So my mom came to school today and talked to Mrs. Burnside. She was so nice to my mom but as soon as my mom left she was kinda, well, rude. What a two-face! I don't know what is going to happen now...
So, I haven't really gotten to talk to Steven yet...I don't know if I'm ready to. I mean, I tried to walk up to him and Liana today, and they just kept talking...didn't even look at me. Then all these people were coming up, so I was just like, fine, and walked off. I think Crissy was about to talk to me as she walked up, but I just walked off. Oh well.
So this is my weekend: (Super Busy!!!)
1) Tonight I have a choir concert at 7 pm.
2) Tomorrow I go to Six Flags for choir till 6 pm.
3) Saturday morning I have to get up and go to Washington for the fundraiser (for Mississippi).
4) I want to go to the mall on Saturday after the fundraiser to buy new clothes for Mississippi.
5) Church Sunday!
So thats about it...a lot of stuff for me though. I'm not used to being so busy. Well, guess thats all. Cya.
Big news! Steven finally apologized to me today. Finally! So, here's what happened today:
First Ben informed me that he and Melissa got back together! (They broke up at the beginning of the week...)
Then not much happened...we had to work on Romeo and Juliet stuff...(at this time Steven was not talking to me.)
Next is Ac Lab (its like a study hall...). Well, not much happened in there either. Liana came over and talked to me. But you know what she talked about? Mostly about Steven and Crissy and how they are sickening and have a click that no one is allowed into. Now what a bunch of bologna. Lol. I mean, yeah, Steven and Crissy were kinda weird about going to the mall only with Riley and Erica, but it was just this once. Its not like they're going to do it every weekend. (At least I hope not!) But they're sickening? Isn't that a little dramatic? Especially when she isn't supposed to like Steven, and, AND when she has a boyfriend (Butch). I feel like she is using me and my past experiences as some leverage against Steven and is using me to gossip about him. It wouldn't be that bad, but every time she talks to me that is mostly what she wants to talk about! Grr. I asked her to go to the mall with me this weekend, and she said yeah, so maybe things aren't that bad between us.
But then in History (I'll tell you about the pizza party in a minute.) she was sitting by Steven! She just got done telling me how immature and rude he is! (Oh yeah, and she say by him in English and was in HIS reading group...talk about hypocritcal?!) So I firgure she'll say something to me...after all she is sitting RIGHT behind me. But no. Not a word. All class. Its like I was not there at all! So to tell you the truth I was furious. So I'm not just paranoid. She really is like, using me!
Also there is the incident with Steven. He kept scooting my chair forward with his feet and I asked him to stop, politely. He didn't. So I pushed the desk back. Then he pushed it really far forward. So I pushed it back really hard. Then it hit his knee, so he pushed my desk again. I turned around and told him to stop. He told me I should apologize, but I said no. (Come on, look at how he has been treating me!) He started to push my desk again so I pushed his all the way sideways and put my desk where it was supposed to be. Lol. Then he stopped. Hah. I win.
Now about the pizza party. Well, this was how it was supposed to go:
Get 5th and 7th hour off.
{Mom is yelling like the house is falling down just because she wants the buckets. Omg.}
Buy pizza.
Go outside and talk.
Have fun.
What happened:
We all worked 5th hour. (Mr. Kappeler wasn't even there!)
We stayed inside, in Mrs. Boyer's room.
We had to watch a dumb movie.
And our pizza didn't show up till 5 minutes before the bell rang! (Well actually, we ordered a large pizza, 5 bread sticks, 5 cinnamon sticks, and a 2 liter of mountain dew. But all be got was a pizza. Yeah. I felt horrible because poor Mrs. Boyer had to pay for what we didn't get! I felt really bad because it was not her fault...)
Now, Steven apologizing:
I get on the internet and say hi, just like everyday. He says hi back. Then I said, "So do you have anything to say to me?" And to my surprise he did! Here's what he said, or kind of anyway, "The reason I didn't say sorry for the past few days was because I didn't mean it. But now I do. I'm sorry. And I don't want you to be mad at me because I want to talk to you in English, History, and after school." I was so happy! He finally apologized.
So I'm happy now. And I get to go to church tonight and get to call Kaleb! Well, cya!
100 Things About Me (maybe less if I can't think of anything!)
100 Things About Me
1) I tend to talk with my hands.
2) I'm very self-conscious.
3) I do not take criticism well.
4) When I laugh hard, I sound like a walrus.
5) I have a phobia of puking.
6) I weigh myself daily.
7) I cannot stop eating; for anything.
8) I'm a pushover.
9) I love to hear I love you, even if you've already said it 100 times.
10) I'm extremely honest; even too honest.
11) I love Reese's.
12) I love McDonald's.
13) I wear converses.
14) I have brown eyes.
15) I have brown hair.
16) I hate cats.
17) I am incredibly photogenic.
18) I can flip my tongue upsidedown.
19) I'm very openminded, except when it comes to cussing, alcohol, and drugs.
20) I love potatoes, every way.
21) I hate it when people tell me what to do.
22) I hold grudges. I try really hard not to, but sometimes I just can't help myself.
23) I'm a bundle of contradictions. Covered in secret sauce.
24) I like hanging out with guys more than girls.
25) I mostly only like hanging out with chicks if no guys are involved.
26) I hate the outdoors, except in the fall when I'm taking a long walk.
27) I want to name my son Van.
28) My name is not really Natalie.
29) My name is actually Muriel; a hand-me-down Scottish name.
30) I set high standards for myself in all areas in my life, and I expect others to do the same - without telling them.
31) I love learning; about anything.
32) I am fascinated by the way people think.
33) I constantly have nightmares about death.
34) I hate 'Groups'.
35) People are self absorbed.
36) Individuals aren't always self absorbed.
37) I love interpreting music.
38) I am an optimistic pessimist; I think.
39) I love watching movies that make you think, like mysteries.
40) I love Smallville.
41) Tom Delonge is the hottest!!!
42) I don't think I can find 100 things to describe myself!
43) Being creative is not really my thing, at least not when I'm put on the spot.
44) I am an opinionated passivist.
45) I can sum up my entire being in one word: contradiction.
46) I think the world is out to get me.
47) I have a great long-term memory.
48) I have a horrible short-term memory.
49) I do not recommend falling in love.
50) I am a horrible speller.
51) I have a sincere desire to help and change those around me.
52) I always say the bottle is half full but the room is half empty, what does that mean?!
52) I wonder if Nine would be an acceptable name for a girl.
53) I hate, repeat HATE, salt water.
54) I am constantly paranoid people are staring at me.
55) I am very intelligent.
56) I am naive.
57) Tone of voice matters more than what someone is saying.
58) I've never been to a concert.
59) My ex-boyfriend/best friend/brother-figure/arch-enemy has a band.
60) Its called Three Word Syndrome.
61) His name is Steven.
62) Just for future reference.
63) I have been going out with my wonderful boyfriend for 3 months and 5 days.
64) His name is Kaleb.
65) I'm not perfect.
66) This guy and I cheated on 5 of his girlfriends.
67) His name I cannot mention.
68) I wouldn't do that ever again.
69) This is a dirty number.
70) Its Ben's fault I have a dirty mind!!!
71) I read my bible daily.
72) I love onions. In my burger, in my eggs, onion rings, gotta love em!
73) Oprah is the devil in my home.*
74) I want to become a fashion designer.
75) But my back up plan is to be a teacher.
76) I am obsessive compulsive.
77) Everything has to be planned. EVERYTHING.
78) I am some-what of a hermit.
79) When someone gets angry, even if its not at me, I feel like I'm going to puke and almost cry. No joke.
80) I love riding in vehicles.
81) Music is my drug.
82) I can sense people's attitudes...its freaky.
83) I am always afraid I am going to die in a car.
84) My birthday is 4 months away and I still don't have my permit.
85) I'm a scare-dee-cat.
86) I grew up on Star Wars.
87) My favorite chick-flick is "When Harry Met Sally." I love it.
88) I don't really like animals in general.
89) I have 4 siblings, 2 stepsisters, 2 ex-stepsister and 1 ex-stepbrother.
90) My dad lives 3 hours away.
91) I feel strange around any family but my siblings.
92) I wish the world were simpler every day.
93) I hate when people are judgmental. (It makes me sick.)
94) I took a trip to the Bahamas once; I really enjoyed it.
95) I wish I could speak a different language.
96) I always feel like I'm not doing enough.
97) I'm constantly tired.
98) Mountain Dew and Doritoes where made for each other.
99) I'm paranoid.100) I procrastinate.
* My mom while she is watching Oprah: "Be quiet! I want to hear this!...Shut the **** up! All I want to do is hear this show!!!" Get the picture?
There we go! 100 things about me...
Ranting Ranting
Omg! Well...I really think things with Steven and Liana are going downhill. Steven didn't say a word to me today, but thats okay because I am still mad at him. (He was SOOOO rude yesterday!!!) But Liana...I don't know. Maybe I'm just over reacting... But after school I was sitting there all by myself by the wall, right in front of "The Group" and no one bothered to talk to me. (Except Jeremy, God bless him...) So she comes over and just stands there behind Steven and I don't know if they talked...that isn't the piont. I'm just stating that she was some where where she could see me. Anyway, and she didn't say a word to me. I don't even know if she looked at me. Even after everyone else was gone...and she was standing there...she still didn't even say HI. I don't know... I guess someone could turn it around on me and say, "How come you didn't say hi to me?" But ... still ... I had a reason from staying on the sidelines. The 'Group' is gay. They always make me feel unwanted, or at least one of them. Every time I try to talk to them...so why bother? That is why I stay on the side and wait for them to come to me...which they NEVER do...RARELY. Liana used to...Oh well. I really think she is trying to hold her relationship with Steven though...so I don't know if I really blame her. Steven will just ditch her if she doesn't try to hold it together. He like, latches to different girls and won't let anything come between that... As soon as he left Liana he 'fell' out of love with her (in like a week! yeah right.) and suddenly falls 'madly' in 'love' with a new girl. I don't get it. I think he is dangerous. Too obsessive. I'm so lucky to have Kaleb. He would never act the way Steven does. Steven is irrational and mean, obsessive, and controlling. Kaleb is just loving and giving, and totally calm and free. Totally perfect for me. Kaleb was asking me the other day who my favorite boyfriend was. He was like, "Probably Steven right? Since you went out with him so long..." I was like, "No way! You are my favorite boyfriend."He's like, "You're not just saying because I'm your boyfriend are you?""No. You really are the most perfect boyfriend I've ever had. All my friends are jealous that I have such a sweet boyfriend." Which is the truth. He is so good to me and cares so much about me and my feelings. He would nearly do anything for me. I love him! And unlike Steven, when I say that I mean it. I'm not just acting on impulse. I think thats what he does. He is desperate for a relationship, so he constantly has to be 'in love' with someone.Anyway though. Now that I got THAT all out...I have nothing much to say. You know what sucks? George is working nights now, so he is here all day long and we have to be completely silent. How is that supposed to work?! We have 5 kids! One of which is a 4-year-old boy. I don't think we can just shut him up in his room and keep him quite all day long. Thats not even fare! We are children, let us have a childhood! Well, enough with my ranting. I'll stop now...but I need something to talk about because I can't do anything that makes noise...this totally sucks...(George is downstairs right next to my room so that means no talking on the phone, no playing the keyboard, no listening to the radio, and no sewing. How on earth am I going to be able to do that?) How about I do 100 things about myself? Thats good. Here I go!!!
Well, I really don't think this week is going to be very good. I'm so stressed out that I can't even type very well. I just keep getting worse and worse. I don't like it. I can't wait till school is out. I'm so stressed out.
You know that retarded biology project? Well, its still 25% off. I went and talked to Mrs. Burnside, again, about it...and she just said I was irrisponsible and should have had it on two floppy disks. (Saving it on my computer wouldn't have even helped because mine keeps crashing remember?) I think its retarded. She didn't even have me present today and I was stressing out about it really bad last night! GRR. I wish she'd get fired. (I'm sure a lot of people agree with me on that!!!)
Anyway, I talked to Kaleb about the mall thing and we're just gonna go the mall anyway because I need new clothes for all my vacations.
Oh, I had a dream that Kaleb gave me a bunch of money. The weird thing was that it was 40 dollar bills and 120 dollar bills! It was awesome though.
Then I had another dream about I was at a choir concert in St. Louis. Then I went home before we were done, and Mr. Tucker was the one who drove me home! We were sitting in the car singing together. Then I got home and I lived in a trailer. Then David called me and asked me if I wanted to go to church with him. I said yes, but then I also had to go and finish my choir concert!
Then all the time started to mess up. Like, things would happen out of order. Suddenly it was 9 o'clock. And David was at my house to pick me up for church! (Which does not make sense because thats when I should be getting home...) And Mr. Tucker was at my house too, trying to take me back to the concert! so it was just a really confusing dream. Oh! I have to tell you about the dream I had last night!
Okay, so I'm at school and sitting there with Ben and David. Then Allison Jones (I don't even know her! I just know she was funky hair. ) comes up and sees me with my arm around Ben and gets really mad at me. Outside the school there is a theme park and so she goes outside. Later we're waiting in the same line and she spits in my hair! I was really upset so I went and told a teacher. But the teacher didn't care (reminds me of Mrs. Burnside!) and told me she couldn't do anything about it unless we got in a fight. So I went back in line and she kept spitting in my hair so I said that we were going to have to fight. Then my dream changed...
Then I was on a roller coaster, but get this - no seat belts or anything! So the whole time I'm hanging on for dear life trying not to fall out. (I was going upsidedown and everything!) Talk about scary. Then I woke up.
So there you have it. The freaky dreams still haven't stopped. At least in these ones no one is dying, right?! Cya.
Jeez...where to begin? Today was about the worst day ever. I feel horrible, my face hurts and ugh...everything hurts.
I went to school and it was a normal day, but in ac lab I went to go see Mrs. Burnside about my project...you know...the one that wasn't on the floppy disk when I tried to retrieve it? Yeah. Well, I didn't get 50% off...but I still got 25% off! It is totally not what I deserve...I worked so hard on it...and all for a C or less?! So I was really upset about that...Oh well...I'm so tired I don't feel like discussing my veiws on the subject...I'm just so upset. And now I have to present it tomorrow...I'm so nervous...what if I do horrible?! Then I might get a D! The reason I'm mostly upset about it is it will affect my quarter grade, which will in turn affect the fact that I can't exempt my final and also my semester grade. (This is a 200 pt project so it's really big; like a third of my quarter grade!)
Also this major thing with Crissy and Steven, well, Steven not wanting me to go to the mall with Crissy, him, Riley, and Erica. According to him its just a double date, and I can't go...'period'. Yeah, and he said it to me like that. I thought it was really rude. And he knew I already had a horrible day!
Then, THEN, he had the nerve to say 'hi' to me. I don't want him talking to me for a while. At least not tonight. I'm really upset with him. I mean, he didn't even apologize, and it was really rude of him. It wasn't like I did anything to him. All I did was ask Crissy if I was invited to go or not.
So anyway, thats about it! I guess I'll write more tomorrow in Keyboarding! Cya!
Hey Meredith, thanks for reading. Okay, so ... Kaleb and I got into fights about alcohol and cussing because those are two things that bother me and I don't want him to be doing them... This weekend his mom had a party though so I think he got drunk...I guess you can't have everything! Oh well. And when I went to Six Flags I went with Michael Moore, not Michael Frese.
Anyway though, I went to Dad's for the weekend. So, the highlights?
1) I earned $32 cutting down trees. Which is good because I needed money for my vacations.
2) I went to my 2nd cousin Ethan's birthday party at Ha Ha Tonka (some indian thing).
3) And the most interesting thing was this strange phone call I recieved while I was cutting trees. I didn't catch it so I called back to see who called. It was this really weird man who dialed the wrong number. He was like, "Where are you from?" And I said Missouri. Then he asked if I had any cats! I said no. Then he was like, "I'm sorry, I dialed the wrong number earlier. You are such a sweetheart. God bless you. So how old are you?" Then I was kinda freaked out so I said I had to go. Then I hung up. Isn't that kinda freaky? If it was a wrong number why did he want to know my age? And where I lived? Yeah...
Not much else happened...and I don't really remember Friday...so I guess thats all for now!!! Cya.
