DCfC rocks!!!

"Usted me ve, pero usted no ve quién yo soy. Igualmente, usted sabe quién yo soy, pero usted no me sabe."

What happened today? I woke up late; I forgot to set my alarm. I went to breafast, saw this cute new kid...walked by and realized he was sitting with Jeremy and Brian. I come to sit down with them at look at the kid. He has short hair with a blond/yellowish patch in front. I look at him closer...its Steven. Fear chokes me up. What if he insults me? What he yells at me for coming up to him like this? Ever since he stopped talking to me I've been afraid of what he would do if I got near to him. He said nothing. He kind of acted like I wasn't there... I don't know whats worse...

I talked to my counselor. I'm in explorations next semester 5th hour. Apparently I am like...really smart because on the teranova test from last year I was in the top 3% of students who took it...top .5% of students in the math area. I was really happy about that. At least I am doing something right.

My mom really doesn't like me I don't think. She has never really been a mother to me... I would give anything to be like a normal girl. I never talk to my mom about anything. My dad is totally disappointed with me... My mom is as well. I've never been good enough for them. What do they want me to do? They gave me brilliance in this mind of mine, but forgot to give me the childhood that everyone else takes for granted. I spent my younger years learning and reading and keeping to myself. They didn't even try to break through my shell that I slowly created! By the time I was a young adult everything I had learned about life had been from my own philosophies, friends, and God... What do they want from me??? I've tried my best. Am I just insane? Am I mentally ill? Or is this just the fault of my parents and their lack of training me for the world?

I miss Kaleb more and more every day. Why did this have to happen? But I keep reminding myself that he isn't the same person he once was and I can't keep living like this...

I hope this is just a slump that I'm going through... I just want everything to go away... All this hurt... I miss what I once had. It seems like all my friends aren't really my friends and my family isn't my family. I feel like I'm just a fake...going through each day like a dream, like a movie, hoping one day it will be over and I will be happy again. I just want to run away. I want to go out in the fresh snow, lay in it, feel the cold seep into my veins. I just want to go far far away and never come back. I want to leave this place and be who I want to be...not what everyone else sees me as and not what they want me to be. They don't even know me...heck, I don't even know me anymore, how could they possibly know me?

"You see me, but you don't see who I am. Likewise, you know who I am, but you don't know me."