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RECAP: My Past Week... CRAZY

Okay, so I got back from Florida right? I think I'm going crazy. This past week has been like, an insane amount of Kaleb.

So what all did we do??? Well, first I went over to his house on Tuesday. We hung out... did 'stuff'... you know how that goes right??? Lol. It was fun...but I was totally stressed because Michelle kept switching the plans on us! I love to have everything planned out, so when she was doing that I was spazzing. I didn't want my mom mad at me. But besides that it was fun. And something else...but I can't talk about that on here...lol.
Then we went to go see 'The Lords of Dogtown'. I didn't think was that bad. I mean, for something that is based on real life, it wasn't too boring. Normally things based on real life are just boring. Most of the time Kaleb and I were making out though...lol. It was kind of weird though because there wasn't much to it. It was basically just about these surfers who skateboarded, and it showed the three man guys progressively getting more and more famous and what happened to them in the end.

Wednesday we went to church together...I don't really remember much about that day really. I probably slept until noon, lazied around all day, took a shower, and went to church...I bet that is exactly what happened. Typical me. Lol.

Thursday we went to Six Flags together with my family. It was pretty good...I don't really remember what we did though... Oh, we met up with Frog and Codey and just hung around Six Flags... Thats when the arguing was starting to get a little serious... I don't know, but I think it was just all the stress...I seriously was just, on the edge.
And Kaleb was always wanting to make out and take it to levels I was just, not, its not that I normally don't like, I just was so stressed I really didn't want to at the moment... And he is so freakin persistant! I always feel guilty if I don't do what he wants because he just so good to me. Not just, making out, but like, going places...but I'll get to that later.
I do love him very much though, don't get me wrong...its just, I'm so afraid that these little agruements will perminantly scar our relationship. Even lead to a break up. I would never break up with him, but I'm afraid that one of these times if I don't do what he wants or act the way he wants me to, that he'll leave me and I just couldn't live with myself if I caused him to leave me!!!
Then that night his parents were at the Lake of the Ozarks and his mom was really worried about him being home alone...so he spent the night! Lol. We stayed up till like, 2.30 in the morning watching movies, don't worry, Paige and Katie was with us the whole time! Then I fell asleep on the couch so I went down to my room and slept. I don't really know what Kaleb did after that. Lol. Probably went to bed.

Then the next day (Friday) Kaleb stayed over till about 3 in the afternoon, then his dad picked him up. The entire morning we just played games in the living room and stuff... Not really that much happened. The small piontless agruements were re-occuring though. My dad was supposed to come pick me up, but then he called and decided he wanted to pick me up on Sunday, which he could not because I was going to Warped Tour... So we didn't go to my dad's for Father's Day. (Even though I bought him a present!!! Its just a cook-book though...)

Saturday he was down at the Lake with his family... I went to George's parent's house. It was his neice's birthday party...I guess she would be my??? Step-cousin? I guess. Lol. I have no idea. We just hung out there basically all day. And we ate fried chicken.
Talked about Cassie... I don't know what is up with her but all I know is George is not my father. If he is going to let her run around and do whatever she wants to I am not going to let him rule over me. My mom can, but he is not going to control me in any way if I can help it. He is the CRAPPIEST father I think ever, he just lets her do whatever she wants to. It drives me insane...but I'll save that for another time.

Then Sunday he came back with his grandparents and I went over there right after church. It was fun...but you see, I really didn't feel like doing much of anything sexual with him, like, AT ALL. I was just burnt out at the moment...plus I was kind of testing him to see if he would listen to me or keep persisting until he got what he wanted. Well, he persisted. He did not lighten up, even after I told him what I was doing... I guess he figured I would change my mind or something, I don't know. We got into a fight... and I started crying... And he was all perfect and apologetic...but then he kept persisting, I was like, doesn't he get it???
Then he did it again and I started crying. Now, it wasn't like, he kissed me, I said don't go any further, and then he did, so I cried. There were reasons I cried...I just can't really remember them. But there was more to it than that. I've just tried so hard to forget about what happened that I did kind of.
I ended up staying till about 10 o'clock because we were watching 'What Women Want'. Lol - it was a corny movie. Lol. I kept laughing at it. I bit Kaleb...Lol. I think it is starting to really bother him, I felt bad, but he was tickeling me!!! I couldn't help it!!! At Six Flags I even bit myself because the tickeling is just so unbareable to me...I know, my body is just really weird like that. Anyway though...Lol, I'm getting kind of off-subject.

Then Monday, Kaleb and I got into an arguement about how I was nervous about Warped Tour. I was nervous because I was afraid he would get bored of me since I wasn't much a rocker and I would probably just want to stand around and laugh at him doing stupid stuff all day. I guess he really didn't understand that and started talking about how I needed to loosen up and stop being so uptight. Then I was offended...and it all went downhill from there. I couldn't understand why he was with me if he didn't like the way I am. If he loves me he should love me for me...the non-moshing, mostly uptight and tense, yet sometimes very silly me. Thats who I am. And I like who I am because ... well, come on, get the picture??? But then I think he finally understood that I was just nervous because I'm always nervous about alot of things...I mean, it was my first concert! Were you nervous before your first concert??? Well, Kaleb wasn't so he took it like it was a bad thing or something!!! We finally made up though...after I cried and he, skateboarded... Thats what he does when we argue...and the weird thing is now when we argue he isn't interested in what he did wrong anymore... He just wants to get away from it... He used to always wanna know what was wrong and why and what he could do to make it right... I hope it was just that one time... I like it when he shows he genuinely cares when I am upset...

Anyway though, I must get to this Tuesday now because it is June 21st, also the date of WARPED TOUR!!! Lol. Yeah, Kaleb and I went to Warped Tour with Alec... The traffic was pretty bad. It took us about an hour and a half to get twenty miles to Riverport. It was sad. But it was because we left my house at like 10.30, then stopped to eat and everything... We arrived at about 1 pm. It started at noon. I'd say we didn't do that bad because there was a three hour line for Frog and Jacob, but when Kaleb and I got there, there was no line whatsoever. Haha!!! Anyways...
It was pretty cool. Kaleb probably said I love you about 50 times, and I was loving every second of being with him there...I don't think we even argued or fought about anything...if we did I don't remember it. First we just wondered around trying to get used to things. Then we started getting free stuff from like, everywhere we could! It was awesome...from stickers and stuff...bands everywhere.
Kaleb bought like, 7 cds...I'm going to put them all on my new ipod when he buys it for me! I love him so so so so so so so so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! One of them was a band from New Zealand and according to Steven they aren't signed so they took out a 36,000 dollar loan...they were accepting money to even get back home! Kaleb bought one of their cds...It was so cute, they were like, hear, listen, we're from New Zealand, its kind of 'pop-punk' and they said it with their accent, it was so cute. Lol. And we bought this, excuse me, HE bought, lol, I do that a lot. He bought another cd from these guys in Canada...he gave us a 'deal', a guy did a jig along with the cd and a sticker and a shirt for $15. Lol.
And he bought me a hoodie and a cd! He spoils me so badly...lol. And not only with money... He gave me like 10 massages while we were there...I thuroughly enjoyed them though!!! It felt so good... And he would carry me around and do almost whatever I wanted. (I'm sorry but it was just to crowded and hot to actually stand in a concert for more than 2 songs...) I felt kind of bad because he couldn't like mosh and stuff with me around...so next year I'm going to let him hang out with some other guys and I'll go with some girls I guess. But I really did enjoy being there with him.
I thought it was going to be really late when I got back home, but it was only 11. So thats cool...no wait, I think it was 10. Yeah, so my mom didn't get mad or anything. Steven, Liana, Riley, Andrew, and Amy were there too, but we didn't hang out with them. And Frog, Codey, Jacob, Kelly, Morgan, and Alec, we kind of hung out with them for a little bit.
Well, I guess that is enough about warped tour I am getting really tired! I've been working on this post for about an hour an 20 minutes now!

Now I have to tell you about today... Kaleb and I got into another fight thing... He called me and asked if I wanted to go to Six Flags today... I was so worn out though...I just wanted a day to myself...I mean, I was seeing him at church tonight!!! But he kept persisting and persisting and he was making me feel horrible about it! I mean, can't a girlfriend just have one day to herself? I love him very very much, but I value my personal time and space. It is important to me and without it I would go crazy...and I haven't had very much of it every since school let out. So I just started crying...he just doesn't understand me...and he makes me feel so guilty about wanting to be alone...just for a few hours. Thats all I wanted.
The thing I don't get is he wants to spend as much time as he can with me when it is good for him! It doesn't really matter to him if I'm doing something or if I just don't want to at the moment. I mean, I love doing things with him but I want to know I have the option of saying no with out him making me feel horrible and crying about it you know??? He gets his time to skate right?
Like at church tonight, the last time he will be seeing me...and he wants to skate! And skate some more...and just talk and skate with his friends until I leave...doesn't even say good bye or good night...nothing. And does he feel guilty about this? No. I try to understand his NEED to skateboard, but if he doesn't respect me and when I do and don't want to do things, then I can't respect him. And THAT causes a BIG problem because without respect, we will get nowhere...I bet that in the entire time he was at my house and at church with me, he said 10 minutes worth to me...
Don't get me wrong! That is okay! But if he wants to make it THAT way, then he needs to let it be so for me too. I want to have my alone time. If he is going to let me sit there watching him skate I want there to be a time where he sacrifices for me to get a little of what I want. Like not wanting to make out constantly everytime we're together. I love just talking with him...but it seems everytime we talk now we argue...and that really does need to change. He can say he loves me a million times but it won't mean a thing if he doesn't back it up with his actions.
Well, I think that is all I need to say... This is long enough and I've been writing for an hour and a half. So I will update later! Cya. Kaleb - I do love you, a lot, and maybe this will help you to understand where I'm coming from.

posted by Natalie @ 11:07 PM 0 comments

My First Day Back Home

Yay! I'm finally home! I hope I don't have to go anywhere for a long time. I slept in til about 12.30, but that really isn't that late because I got home at 4.30 in the morning. The ride home was horrible. It was so hard to sleep...you could not stay asleep for anything!

Tomorrow I am going to Kaleb's and then we're going to see The Lords Of Dogtown. This should be interesting. I'm going over there at about noon. I can't wait! I haven't seen him for almost 2 weeks. I haven't seen any of my other friends for about a month. Its horrible. But next week I am going to Warped Tour, thanks to Kaleb. (He, well, his dad bought the tickets.) I hope Crissy and Liana are going. I don't know anyone else who is going. I don't even think Steven is going.

Thats about all I have to say...I wish Kaleb would call...I'm so bored. I have no one to talk to. I could call Ben, but I don't think Kaleb would like that very much... Steven isn't home. I already talked to Crissy. I could call a lot of people but those are the main people I talk to. Liana...but I bet she is busy too. I'll update tomorrow when I get back from Kaleb's and the movies. Cya! Oh yeah, Michael and Brittany got back together. Cya.

posted by Natalie @ 8:14 PM 0 comments

Reflection - Trip to Florida

Well, Florida. It was nice. I could definately live in that condo better than in the house we're living in right now! The funnest part for me was taking all the pictures! I took about 80 pictures. I loved it. The thing is I don't like hot weather really. Or salt water. Or sand. Or swimming. So the whole time I felt like I was putting everyone down. But really I was trying to be as helpful as possible because I didn't want anyone to be mad at me. I can't help it, I just don't like those things.

Really swimming isn't so bad...I do think it gets kind of old, but the main reason I don't like swimming is because I am very self-concious. Plus, my swimsuit is 2 years old, so its kind of small... If I'm self-concious I definately don't want to have a too small swimsuit!

Thats about all I have to say...it rained a lot while I was down there... There was a hurricane about 100 miles out. The storms were pretty awesome though. I talked to Kaleb a lot while I was down there...probably more than I do when I'm at home! Lol. Thats really all I have to say.

posted by Natalie @ 8:06 PM 0 comments

Reflection - Church Camp

Okay, so a lot of things have happened in the last few weeks and I haven't written anything about it. So what? Lol. I'm so bored with talking about that stuff, but I guess I'll try to remember some of it and tell you. If I can.

So first it was church camp... Well, it was like, a 10 hour trip down there. We rode boys in one van girls in the other... That kinda sucked, I wanted to be with Kaleb! It was so annoying because Ryan kept stopping at all these restaraunts that no one liked, like Wendy's or the Waffle House, or he would just stop at a gas station for a meal. Who stops at a gas station to get food?! Gosh. It was making me really angry. Lol.

Then when we finally got there we had to stand around and wait for them to tell us what to do, but the other church had already put all their stuff in their cabins. When they finally told us what we were supposed to do, it was raining! We had to carry our things up a muddy, non-concrete hill, down the other side, all the way to our cabins...that was not fun. I was frustrated.

Then there were all these dumb rules, the dumbest being that we couldn't go anywhere without an 18-year-old. So basically anyone over 18 had to babysit us and take us everywhere we needed to go. And then poor us had to go where ever they wanted to go ... whenever they wanted to.

But besides all the dumb rules, the heat, the rain, the mud, I guess it wasn't that bad. At least I got to be with Kaleb. But then someone had to make up a dumb rumor that Kaleb and I and Kitcher and his girlfriend Michelle were making out at this 'Hamock Island' when we weren't even there the whole day! That was nerve-racking. Then I kept getting frustrated with Kaleb because I felt like we weren't communicating or something, I don't even remember anymore. But I was really afraid he might break up with me because I was being so stupid.

There were some pretty funny things that happened though. My ditsyist moment was I was going to throw away something and it was dark out, but the lights were on so it made a glare on the doors. When I walked toward the door I saw my reflection, and I said 'excuse me' and moved so I wouldn't run into - MY OWN REFLECTION! Lol. I'm so stupid sometimes. But it was really funny. There were some other things like that too. I just don't remember them. On the way down there we saw some signs on the highway that were pretty stupid. Lol. We were cracking up all the way down there. I just don't remember them.

There were a few more things like how I got mad at Kaleb for going to Sonic and stuff...but I just don't feel like talking about all of it. And thats church camp in a nutshell.

posted by Natalie @ 3:13 PM 0 comments

So, Riley apologized to me for the things he said in that comment. I told Kaleb about it last night and he wanted to call him and give him a piece of his mind. I thought it was pretty funny, but I wouldn't let him. He said that if anyone makes fun of me anymore he isn't gonna take it - which would be nice because no one ever sticks up for me. But I still wouldn't want him to beat anyone up over me or anything like that.

Scottie didn't even remember the comment he put in Steven's journal...oh well. No one even missed me at all while I was gone. They didn't even know I was gone...well, Crissy knew. She said she might not go to wapred tour with me!!! She said that since she and Steven broke up she didn't think she was gonna go. I really hope she'll come with me. I don't want to be just with Kaleb...because I know he is going to be head banging and all that good stuff.

Well, I'm leaving tomorrow...I don't have much time to say anything...so I guess I'll have to talk about camp another time. Some girl is on Crissy's name and annoying the heck out of me, but I think its kind of funny, so I'll keep talking to her. Also Kaleb should be calling me any minute now so I have to go. Update when I get back!

posted by Natalie @ 3:20 PM 1 comments

I just got back but I don't want to spend much time on here because I have other stuff to do...so, the main things...Well, a few things happened back home while I was gone...
Steven broke up with Crissy because they didn't have 'chemistry' and it was like they were still just friends.
Um...Riley and Brittany are stilling going out, but they broke up once...

I haven't had a chance to talk to anyone but Crissy. Scott left a disturbing reply to one of my comments I left in Steven's journal - I don't know what that is about because the last time I talk to him we were getting along really well.
Also, Riley left a really mean comment in my blog...because I said it was horrible that Brittany broke up with Michael. What's wrong with that??? Its just my opinion! Then he said something about how I shouldn't yell at Steven for this and if I want to yell at someone call him. Why would I be yelling at Steven? He didn't do anything. I just said something about how he didn't really care Michael and Brittany broke up. Thats all. I bet Riley is just angry at me because - I don't know - he's probably just insecure about himself. So he goes and makes fun of my nose. You think I chose to look the way I do??? Idiot. And also, I have a big nose because my ancestors where from northern countries in Europe where it was cold, so it helped them stay warm. Why would you make fun of someone for the way they look? Its just lame. I have never made fun of him for having a unibrow - right? Yeah.

Anyway, as for camp...I'll tell you about that in the next thing. I want to call Kaleb right now because now I'm stressed because of all this gay drama happening.

posted by Natalie @ 9:32 PM 0 comments