The Makings of a Very Bad Day
Hmm, well, I got to see Kaleb last night! I already miss him. Now that I have a little more privacy to my blog...I'll tell you what I've been wanting to let out for a while now. If I would've been able to talk about it earlier, I could connect all the strange coincidences that have been happening. So here goes:Lately some weird things have been happening to me. First was the strange stomach cramps that wouldn't go away for weeks. I mean, weeks. Scott started making fun of me saying I was 'pregnant' and stuff. Then I missed my monthly...yep. But it had happened a few times before...so I didn't think much of it. Then I started aching all over...Then the big thing: I miraculously gained about 10 lbs. in 2 weeks. It scared me to death. I still don't know what happened but my weight is starting to go back to normal...
I also thought a name if I have a baby boy, just out of no where, an odd thing to happen don't you think? Its Van. Isn't that an awesome name? I know that no other child would have that name. He would be unique, different, like me. I love my name. So if I ever have a child thats what I will name him...lol. If my husband lets me!!!
Okay, so today...This morning I woke up late. Actually, two minutes after I was supposed to be at the bus stop! So I hurried up and I actually didn't miss the bus.
All day Steven chased Liana around. But the strange thing is he kept like, saying hi to me every time he saw me...but then he'd either make fun of me or go run away when Liana came. (Whether it was to be with her or not have her see him with me I do not know...)
And I had a really bizarre dream...I don't remember it much...but I remember I was in Mr. Kappeller's class...and we were trapt in it. Then it kind of transformed...into a house. I think we were all starving. I remember we were dying, or something very threatening was in there with us. And we couldn't get out. We couldn't escape. It was very scary. I don't remember who all was in it, but a bunch of kids. I remember we were trying so hard to find a way to get out. We were nearly about to die. Something to do with posioning, but I can't remember why. But something happened I think and we lived. Just in the nick of time too. At least thats what I think. And thats all I really remember. And I remember this clearly, my teacher Mrs. Flamion was dressed in some black uniform thing - and this i remember - she was a guy! Lol. She walked in and said she had a sex change. Lol. So I guess I had some humor in my dream!
I've come to a conclusion about my friendships with Steven and Liana. Now, I don't know this for sure, but it sure seems like it to me. Steven only wants to be around me when he is bored, needs something, or wants to make fun of and pick on someone to make himself feel better. That is all he ever does to me. I used to think he was just kidding...but why? Its not funny half the time...and he doesn't treat anyone else like that. I just don't get it; I wish I had answers...
And Liana...ever since her and Steven broke up, it seems like she doesn't talk to me or call or anything anymore...I feel stupid and unwanted in her presence. She never talks to me after school anymore, and she used to nearly every afternoon when her and Steven were together. Now what would that lead you to believe? Well...I'll tell you it makes me feel like I was being used. A way to keep track of his ex without seeming hostile. its brilliant! Pretend to be my best friend so I will be loyal and not try to take him from her. Or maybe she was just using me to complain to about Steven, because it seems like now that she has nothing to complain about, she doesn't ever talk to me.
The rassional side of me knows neither of these are true but I just had to get out my feelings. It seems like the more I consider and talk about my irrasional thoughts the more they become rediculous. So there you go. Lol.
Well, I just read Crissy's (one of my good friends) blog's and she said she was really happy because she likes Steven...and he likes her back! This is too much drama for me. Its like insest or something. Gross. I mean, how many times do you have to like the same guys/girls and go out with them before you realize its not worth it?! Liana finally came to her senses and broke up with Steven (She was dragging it out for ever and it was upsetting me very badly. Steven does not deserve that!). Now Crissy likes him again. Why?! I think I'm kinda jealous because I want Steven to care about me the way he does them. Not like me, but in a friend way, which I guess isn't possible. I want him to want to hang around me the way he does them. I care about him so much, but he cares about me so little. I think its just jealousy...but also, they are kinda stupid. But its their lives I guess. I'll never have to go through that because I have Kaleb! I love him. He makes up for my lack of friends caring by 200%! Lol.
I think I have friendship issues. I'm so paranoid that at any moment all my friends will just drop everything and hate me. It used to happen so now I'm always afraid it will happen. I constantly need reassurence about whether or not they care about me. I'm praying it will fade as I get older, but I don't see it happening.
Well, I am finally done. I think thats it. So I'll type more tomorrow. I like it so much more that I don't have to be afraid of upsetting my friends. Cya!
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